i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
