My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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