Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
