Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
