we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
