cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
