Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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