it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
