My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
