So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
