in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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