people are starting to question the shark bite story
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
