; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
