While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
