It's Friday. Sex?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
