Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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