I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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