You smell like a Billy Joel song
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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