Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i think i have herpe
just one?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
