I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
