I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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