all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
