Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
