Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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