U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
