goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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