Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
