Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
even my farts smell like vagina
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
