Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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