so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
