Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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