I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
