I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize