I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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