Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
