I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
