I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
