He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
