Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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