They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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