i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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