I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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