I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
