Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
