so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
