i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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