he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
