I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
