Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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