Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
