I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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