apparently the secret to your success is patron
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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