best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
