And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize