i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
