So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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