There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
