dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
