she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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