i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
