; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
