Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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