I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I touched a dick in church today
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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