I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
