it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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