I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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